Hello this is my thoughts, idk if I should express my personal thoughts in a public site, but its really underground and also to get to this page it takes a lot of navigation.

Until I get the media page up I will be posting song of the day here

I actually got my media page up (kinda), but I still do song of the day here which is kinda crazy, oh well

Flower Called Nowhere by Stereo Lab

(5/28/2024) - Wow I haven't done this in forever, um quick update Freshman year went well, ended with a research paper (lowkey ass) a 3.6 and joined the robotic minor so all my goals were hit

But now i'm in seattle for my intership and lowkey idk how to feel, I miss everyone, and im lowkey lonely. I've never thought how isolating doing an internship is like no one ever talks about it but its real

Don't get me wrong I love my job and amazon is amazing but i have no friends here im basically alone and all i wish i could do is go to chilis with my homies, I love my bros and shit it sucks

I'm counting my days here only for 74 days, or 50 Business days which lowkey isn't that bad

Some mile stones keeping me going is the boys tv show lowkey im excited for that, I also see car seat headrest at the end of june to that will be hype, also maybe carine is coming in july which would be fire. So its these thing that are keeping me going

But shit dude on the weekend when i'm not doing anything just in my room its like fuck i miss everyone

But i needed this I needed to leave to understand how this would be, to get this opportunity and be a better me

also holy fuck i need to hit the gym again because in september im seeing lamp and mary is going to be there so i need to be my best self so i can shoot my shot like im curry shooting from the moon

(1/17/2024) - I'm about to enter my lab meeting and i'm so scared because I basically need to ask for help by Dr.Hart and I hope he gives it to me.

(9/19/2023) - Dude im so high in this cool as dorm listening to some jazz, with some fucking bomb ass people.

Love this

(9/13/2023) - I have not been keeping up with this :skullemoji: but its whateves, I been having a great time at ut lowkey, like i haven't missed the valley once

I went to the robotics minor info session and like fuck dude, i'm already planning out mmy robotics masters at upenn (Like i'll ever get in lol)

I'm like okay i'll do research either fri, oden society, or with a random professor, I'll do the robotics minor and work with eclair to either work on some robotics project and hopefully start my own(Robotic pancreas or robotic hand)

I'm doing all this while also working on the kvrx website as the led manager, while also doing mutiple interships and studying abroad and getting a 4.0

But first I need to at least pass my first cs test which is tomorrow

(8/29/2023) - In fashion class, rick has still not been mention

Question in class: "Is fashion revolutionary?" yes miss rick changed my life, I LOVE RICK OWENS

(8/27/2023)- The weekend is over, and the second week of college is beginning, I remember telling javi the first week is fine, since the novelty if college keeps you going, but the weeks after that will be hell because now you actually have to get used to going to college and shit, and I can already feel that

I feel so alone in a big campus, and during the days its fine because I'm busy with work and shit, but when im doing nothing it hits me, like its either rot in my bed all day or walk around campus and go insane.

I hope im able to take all the robotic classes i want next year but i'll have to see with my adviser yk, but later in the year

I went to a punk show yesterday and it was sick, but everyone there was dressed so cool, so i need to up by game ( Wearing a skirt and fish nets next time)

Also will pre game before hand so im not so shy and shit, because last night i got wasted (I didn't) after the show and that was fun too

I miss my friends I hate that i can't make moves with them anymore, like yesterday i called alan for 2 hours and we just rotted together in bed since I couldn't just scoped him up like before

(8/25/2023) - I finished all my homework for school and know idk what to do

friday night and no moves is crazy, like no party and all my friends are leaving to other cities so idk what to do for this weekend

(8/23/2023) - Third day of class, UT is chill, met some intresting people but nothing to crazy yet, hoping I become more adjusted throughout the year but its not even the second week yet so I should be fine. Also my room mate is fucking amazing, never there and is the chillest mf there is lowkey

(8/19/2023)- I love ut its like no one is here, like im completly alone in a giant playground, but its not a sad thing, this is fucking awesome, like im having the time of my life. Like rn im in the cs building coding by myself just chilling, its fucking awesome

Im going to add a photo I just got to figure out how rq

Me at ut

Idk what else to do lowkey, like I don't really want to go to any of the events and im actually chilling like a fuck ton rn, but I feel like I should go and meet new people, but I'm Having a blast rn.

You know what I'm going to make a best place to study/chill/code at ut, and every place I go I will rate

Im make that a subsection of thoughts but like where to place it???

Holy shit im bored af, I don't want to go back to the dorm, because i've been in there all day lowkey

Need to get wired headphones for laptop, third night in the dorms still really fucking hot might need third fan

I wonder how the people in the military feel rn, like rolly ric seb and mary

Maybe like shit maybe they're chilling who knows tbh

(8/18/2023)- I moved into my ut austin dorms, and this will be my home for the next 4 months and thats fine, I love my space and hopeful alan doesn't hate me for doing my own thing yk

Playing video games with my friends feel like im still home, but im not im in a new city where I have to be my own person, be an Adult, but its chill I want to grow

Also I called mary and she actually called me last sunday which caught me the fuck off guard but i enjoy the little conversation we had

(7/21/2023) Holy fuck idk what to do, time is marching on while I try to cling on the little moments i have left but its not enought, I want to stay here a bit longer, but ik I can't and i shouldn't I need to explore the world, I need to go and experience the world the way the way my father never could.

Also Idk what to do with the website again, It 2 in the morning and im like fuck I want to work on it but like how??

Lastly someones birthday is coming up and like idk if i should call and leave a voicemail like lowkey I want to, fuck it i am if she hates me whateves I will never see her again, if she finds it sweet than that great win win you feel

Also whats really fun is Mary favorite song ever is empire ants by gorillaz, so when george was playing a rock playlist during a workout and the gorillaz came on, i was "oh my favorite song from them is empire ants" (IK HELLA DICKRIDING), but because I said this he listened to the song on his aiplane ride back from alaska or something and really likes it now. So mary technically put george on empire ants by gorilaz

I lowkey miss her but its okay life moves on and I will always look back at the memories we built together with rose colored glasses

(7/16/2023) Dude fuck I lowkey miss mary, I hope we can talk again on day, I hope she still likes me or at least doesn't hate me, idk I really miss her, I have a lot of stuff already saved to show her if I ever get the chance

Also holy fucking moving to austin in a month is fucking scary, like living by myself basically forever in a month is crazy to think about, like after this month i stay in austin for 8 months then in (hopefully settle) for 3 months just to move back to austin for another 8 months, scary. And if everything goes well, research that following summer so austin for 3 months too, and then another 8 months which means ill be in the valley for a totally of 3 months, in the span of 3 year which is crazy scary

Im going to miss my mom so much both of them, and will i ever come back? will I ever want to? Rn im saying i will but idk the way everything is looking idk if I can

Im so scared for ut as well, like what if i hate it then what?? I wouldn't know where to go what to do with my life if I dont like it, idk

Also was i fucking stupid i didn't put time for the last two entries so i have to guess when i wrote it

Oh btw I did give mary the bunny things so that was heat :fire emoji:

I can't wait to join kvrx tho, Like i will fuck shit up in that station its going to be insane, like my playlist will be heat(literally the music taste of mary and micheal combined :skull emoji:)

Also i love kail uchi she's so good, but this is the first female artist i listen to that isn't "literally me"

The code here is so fucking nasty its crazy I need to fix it eventually

(6/19/23) fuck dude i was looking forward to mary grad party but she canceled it which is such such a bummer

i got her these like small bunny things which are really cute and i was going to get her favorite flowers and actually make it look good which twine a ribbon and shit, also maybe a spiderman 2099 comics because she LOVES him for some reason

(6/18/23) again i just miss her and i wanted to see her also she added music to ducks fighting which was nice

(6/17/23) this is t technically the same day but i woke up so its needs a new title :3

(6/17/2023)this is coming across as obsessive, and creepy this isn't going to win her back if anything it will scare her away

IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF I MISS MARY SO MUCH AND IDK WHAT TO DO, I WANT HER HERE RN AND LIKE FUCK SHE CANT

why doesnt text me....doesnt she miss me as much as her?? did are relationship mean nothing to her? I just hope she thinks of me with good memories as i do with her

im make this site public again like why tf not no one going to look anyways and rven if they do its takes a while to find this page tbh, and like the only one who ik visited this place is her which is the only person i would want to see this

(6/14/2023) - AHHH I FUCKING HATE LIFE RN, im rotting all day and I want to talk to this girl so bad but I can't because she said not to (Its mary), ik she doesn't hate me and it's probably the best option but omg I really want to talk to her

AND OMG SHE MADE SOME DESSERT AND I DIDN"T EAT IT AND IM SO PISSED BY THAT

AND I CAN"T MESSAGE HER TO TELL HER SORRY BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK

Hopefully we talk again, im going to her grad party so maybe then?? IDK

Dude past Riley had no idea what was going to happen, happy for all the emotions i felt, and the jounary I went though, I might add this website back to my twitter, but only because I want mary to see it, I want mary to read this and text me, talk to me, just to reach out, which isn't the best idea but i dont fucking care, i just want to be with her

She probably doesn't feel the same way, but maybe she does idk how she is, how she thinks, I just want her

Damn I got really attached for no reason lol

(5/23/2023) - WTF I haven't wrote down anything for this long?? Igs heres the important things that happened, I texted Mary again didn't work out, Shot the most insane hail mary shot to michale.a.ram and kinda made it, I didn't get a reply but i got that spotify follow. Starting texting this girl named emily, she's so pretty and lowkey crazy she even wants to talk to me, because im lowkey insane but whateves. Lastly I graduate IN TWO DAYS THANK GOD

(5/17/2023) - Dude wtf was I on when i was making this, Like you can tell I was not in the right headspace when making this website

Like holy shit why was i going insane??

Heather Mason getting killed with the title "The sins of man" like wtf was I going through, I don't even remember

(4/24/2023) - I hate this cryptic bullshit people do, like fuck you bitch I hate you, don't speak to me again

(4/17/2023) - Yea im committed to UT so thats yayyy

Also I started reading the Bible and now i have some great ideas for my websites

Maybe instead of the trees of life and knowledge as the two pages, I actaully have 4 repesenting the four rivers of eden (Euphrates,Tigris,Gihon and Pishon), and in those pages have the trees

Also i've been obsessive with the bloodline of the bibles, Maybe have a page for the "children of Cain" or have a page for the three sons of Noah, which we all can traced back too

(4/13/2023)- I like to think someone is reading this site, ik if i found this I would

I should add in the media page the song of the day, but like the pass one too, so if you wanted to know friday you can see it

Also pictures went kinda chill, I liked my outfit it was hard af lowkey

(4/12/2023)- I love my little website

I need new clothes like I want some green baggy pants to wear my boots and a baby shirt with

I might be the reincarnation of Adam

I can't kickflip for shit, tried yesterday and I fell

(4/11/2023)- Finally got that unfollow, which i understood was coming but still dreeded but whatevs, if she doesn't want me i dont want her either(cope)

Today ass af, but hopefully tomorrow is better, probably not but I can be hopeful

I rememeber the only reason I still write these is because Justin said it'll be cool to show my kids and I think looking back at these even a year later will be funny af

Like how I was crying over a girl who I knew for a total of 2 weeks, or how I thought my life was over since I didn't get into rice

I hope in a year im better, both physically and mentally, like I credit my failing health to this shit town, I hate everything here and can't wait to leave

George is right I'm letting this girl fuck with my head, its not the end of the world, its just a random ass person who a month ago didn't even cross my mind, why must I think about her all the time now

I wrote about how it was never about her, its about me on a sticky note during work today, I hate myself so the thought of someone liking me and not anymore bugs me so much, because I want everyone to love me, I want someones love for me to allow me to love myself

Its crazy everything is about love, the world runs on it, everything someone does is for love. People spend hours building the best body, getting the best clothes, and become the best version of themselves for the option of love

Sure we can say we want to get better for ourselves but thats a cope, people want success because it attracts, attraction is what people strive to have because it allows for love

I hate how I fucked it up, because truly no one to blame but myself and thats the difficult part

Anyways I just strived for the attention, and once I get it from someone else I won't care anymore simple as that but until then whatevs

Okay starting now, if im being all sad about this out last the time I even talked to her, Im going to get it together, because be real, she was no michael.a.ram, like yea she was pretty and fun to talk to but thats it, I wasn't going to marry this girl

I should not be treating this like my true one and only broke my heart it was just a girl I developed a SMALL crush on nothing more

Tbh I'm just mad I don't have a date from prom

I love listening to old playlist, it transports me back to where I was then and how I am now, theres no other feeling like it

Shout out to the democratic youth of hidalgo country VP, his playlist fucking rocks and his spotify is the reason I listen to all this fire ass music

I got the site to work, and fixed the scrolling problem, now it works on both phone and pc, also I took the link out of my twitter so the only way to find this site is through my private twitter, or already have the url

I'll upload it again when i either finish the media page or the life page

(4/10/2023) - Mid ass day, but whatevs Im going to stop feeling bad for myself and whatever happens happens

Honestly Im not going to do anything, if she chooses that'll be chill but i not, It'll be the dumb one and after what justin said can't do that

I need to get off these degenerate sites, they fuck up your brain, like way more then any femcel twitter account, its also not healthy at the moments, maybe later to laugh but rn nah

WHY DO I CRY ON THIS SUNDAY MORNING

This sites boring af I might overhaul it tbh, but to what????

I like this cyber religious thing I got but idk how to make it more eerie

I got to read more religious books, this week has been kicking my ass and it keeps getting worst

I got to stop calling myself the modern day job, its becoming to real and im not as strong as him, i will crack and will kill myself

(4/9/2023) - JUSTIN JET SAVED MY LIFE, So i will stop whatever i been feeling right here, I love JUSTIN JET he literal exposed the truth and opened my eyes

Also my spotify is back in order, only person I can be following is michael.a.ram no other person deserves such fan treatment

I added a prayer to the source of this code so now my father can see this page in the after life

(4/8/2023) - Today will be eventful, i can tell already but before I head out I have to say Margo Guryan is literal me, like her music is literal about me its insane

Shit I want to say something, but idk if I should, like what should i do??, I mean if she hated me she would've unfollowed, but like that seems like a cope im telling myself

Anyways took the best nap listening to Margo Guryan, she so me fr

UFC TONIGHT!!!! also diego kneed the fuck out of me and now my eye is brusied but its whatevs

(4/7/2023)- Fasting is not the move, also like wtf today not it

The church was nice but other than that, awful, which is dissaponting since it is GOOD FRIDAY but whatever

My mom lost her wallet so she's freaking out and shit, and like all on my mind is food but i must be strong

Also like yesterday was so odd, I had the baddest girl on my phone telling me she hates me at 10 pm while i was tweaking hard off like 3 scopes of pre since George was rushing me

Also like i understood in the beginning she was actaully upset, but then she sounded like she was playing around but then later sounded serious, it was freaking me out and i just left because I couldn't understand

idk if i should say something, because if she hates me so me reaching out would be odd, but then again i couldn't tell so idk, igs i'll wait for rn

ANYWAYS I FINALLY WATCHED BEFORE SUNRISE LAST NIGHT, AND IT WAS PERFECT

Solos any doomed romance shit i ever watched, Before sunrise top 5 best movies

the romance between the two is beautiful, going from small talk, to awkward shyness, to pure affection is so nice to see, and they complement each other so well

Hopefully one day I can show someone the before trilogy

(4/6/2023)- Damn two days of pure classical music, something awful must have happened

Btw if someone actually reads this, just know any time i sound whatever or mad its a cope

I haven't done anything else for this website, which is crazy since like a month ago I had huge plans, I still got to make a media page so I can get ride of the song of the day here, I was also thinking of making it like display the song i typed and be able to play it, but idk lot of work

Anyways I need to keep busy, been odd recently

I been seeing to many lain edits on my tik tok which has to be a bad sign, but whatever they're chill af tbh

i treat this page like a diary which is funny, because literally anyone can read this, like anyone which is crazy, but like no one is reading this unless you're like obsess with me, and in that case hi igs

You need access to my twitter in order to view this page, unless you can guess this website url

Hello Internet

Picture like a stick figure peeling his skin off thats how i been feeling

Feel like how adam and eve felt when they were kicked from the Garden of Eden

Im like jacob wrestling with an angel(Im losing)

Im literal the modern day job, and sisyphus (Im not happy tho)

Im going to kill myself

DUDE THATS CRAZY I JUST THOUGHT OH WELL, AND NOW IM LIKE BETTER

(4/5/2023) - Woke up to some people thinking, they're Michael.a.ram, LIKE YOU'RE NOT HIM, YOU CAN'T BE ACTING LIKE THAT

Whatever tho

If the day continues like this, look at Garden.html to see what will happen

(4/1/2023) - FUCKING WILD WEEK HOLY SHIT

State competion fucking kicked my ass 8am-4pm of just cyber, BUT IT WASN'T awful I had so much fun doing all the little challenges and they were run by TAMU so i was excited to meet people that I was going to work with in the future(BEFORE BIG NEWS WAS GIVEN)

I also got the worst sickness of my life on the trip like I was in misery and I had to leave early since I couldn't function, and i didn't want to get anyone sick in my room

ALSO BROWN REJECTED ME BUT FUCK THEM I HATE RHODE ISLAND ANYWAYS, A HUGE CITY WITH NOTHING TO DO, EVERYTIME IM THERE I WANT TO SHOOT MYSELF

BUT GREAT NEWS UT AUSTIN ACCEPTED ME, IM GOING TO TEXAS I FUCKING LOVE THEM THANK YOU GOD

Im so happy I thought i would have to go to TAMU which isn't so bad, but my whole goal since freshmen year was UT and now im glad i can, butttt they didn't give me as much money as tamu so my mom is still iffy about it

BUT UT FUCKING AUSTIN CS IS HUGE, ITS LIKE GETTING INTO AN IVY AND IT'S LITERALLY THE BEST CS SCHOOL IN TEXAS AND 10TH IN THE NATION AHHHH

So either UT Austin or TAMU (which isn't bad now since im not forced to go and it's my decision) BUT if RICE unwaitlist me im going, not NYU OR NORTHEASTERN THO

(3/30/2023) - Weeks been hell, the passing of my aunt has been diffcult and my family is not taking it we

also every college waitlisted me and im praying brown will accept me but shit idk

(3/27/2023) - TODAY IS THE DAY, RICE PLS LET ME IN I LOVE YOUR SCHOOL AND EVERYONE THAT GOES THERE

In less than an hour the biggest decision of my life will drop and I'll either be jumping with joy or offing myself

Lowkey if i don't get in idk what i'll do, i'll have to go to TAMU and off myself in the second semester

Okay at 5 ill know if today is the greatest or worst day of my life

(3/26/2023) - Today might actaully be one of the worst days of the year, my aunt is dying but i have to write a fucking 4 page essay because I have no money to go to college

Im also riddled with anxiety since Rice drops tomorrow and I want to get in so bad, like I NEED TO GET IN OR I'LL KILL MYSELF

I can't kill myself since my aunt is passing it'll be too hard on my mom, maybe in a year if things don't work out i might

PLS IM GOING TO END IT ALL(im not but im bored af)

Someone rate my cute little website ^_^ PLSSS

(3/23/2023) - RICE WILL DROP THIS MONDAY AND NYU THIS TUESDAY ME AND BRYAN ARE GOING TO DIE

PLS RICE LET ME IN NO OTHER COLLEGE MATTERS I ONLY LOVE YOU GO OWLS PLS

Anyways I've been loving the days recently, like this week has been amazing

(3/22/2023) - FUCK YES NORTHEASTERN WAITLISTED ME, THEY WANT ME FR

everyone all mad they got waitlisted but im fucking ecstatic like couldn't be happier

(3/21/2023) - I hope I get into the college I applied to (If i don't look at Garden.html to see what happened). But If Im being real, like NORTHEASTERN JUST LET ME KNOW ALREADY I HATE WAITING FOR THE NEXT WAVE

Everything after this first thought is insane typing

Also fun fact FUMBLING A BAD BITCH WILL TURN YOU GAY(its okay tho, im like that guy for vinland saga (im coping because i feel bad for fucking up lol))

This is just turning into my private twitter which you should follow if you're this far

Hell if you're this far follow my private instagram @xx_xswagx_xx

I love Transhumanism!!! ROBOT ARMS

The difference between man and satan is no matter where we go man will alway carry EDEN within their hearts where Satan carries pandemonium within his heart

Fun fact in the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion the first angel (Adam) was capture and returned to an embryonic state. It was this embryo that was used to make the EVA units(EVE), this mimics the story of genesis where GOD made Eve out of a rib of Adam

Im getting rid of any controversial thoughs and i seeing if anyones finds this page

Last thought of the night, this website is linked to my twitter and nothing else which idk if thats a good idea, because my entire twitter is just justins friends and nothing else